This is the seventh in a series of blog posts looking at Sheryl Sandberg's new book, Lean In - Women, Work, and The Will to Lead.  Last week we looked at the fifth chapter of Sandberg’s book, Are You My Mentor?

Over the next few weeks I’m going to share what I’ve learned from each chapter of Sandberg's book, which I believe is rich with stories and research that can help any woman. Much of the research is U.S. based, but as we know research done in the U.S. is equally applicable here in Canada.

This week, Seek and Speak Your Truth.

In this chapter Sandberg takes a look at authentic communication and says, “it is not always easy, but it is the basis for successful relationships at home and real effectiveness at work.” Sandberg looks at how hierarchy can make being honest in the workplace difficult and explains why for many women, speaking honestly in a professional environment carries an additional set of fears: Fear of not being considered a team player. Fear of seeming negative or nagging. Fear that constructive criticism will come across as just plain old criticism. Fear that by speaking up, we will call attention to ourselves, which might open us up to attack (a fear brought to us by the same voice in the back of our heads that urges us not to sit at the table.)” Sandberg goes on to offer this advice, “When we recognize that we can see things only from our own perspective, we can share our views in a nonthreatening way. Statements of opinion are always more constructive in the first person “I” form. She offers the following comparison, “You never take my suggestions seriously” and “I feel frustrated that you have not responded to my last four e-mails, which leads me to believe that my suggestions are not that important to you. Is that so?” The former can elicit a quick and defensive “That’s not true!” The latter is much harder to deny. One triggers a disagreement: the other sparks a discussion.” An interesting perspective to honest and authentic communication.

Sandberg also covers the importance of asking for feedback in this chapter and right up front identifies that receiving feedback is not always a comfortable thing.  Sandberg states, ““How can I do better?” “What am I doing that I don’t know?” “ What am I not doing that I don’t see?” These questions can lead to many benefits. And believe me, the truth hurts. Even when I have solicited feedback, any judgment can feel harsh. But the upside of painful knowledge is so much greater than the downside of blissful ignorance.”

Sandberg also covers the dreaded tears at work and openly admits it has happened to her on more than one occasion. Instead of telling women they should never cry at work, which for some of us is almost impossible, she puts emotion into context. “Sharing emotions builds better relationships. Motivation comes from working on things we care about. It also comes from working with people we care about. To really care about others, we have to understand them - what they like and dislike, what they feel as well as think. Emotion drives both men and women and influences every decision we make. Recognizing the role emotions play and being willing to discuss them makes us better managers, partners and peers.”  She goes on to quote research that found “true leadership stems from individuality that is honestly and sometimes imperfectly expressed.” Perhaps taking this approach with your boss the next time you break down at work will help him/her better understand the value of expressed emotion.

Sandberg finishes off the chapter with this, “Maybe someday shedding tears in the workplace will no longer be viewed as embarrassing or weak, but as a simple display of authentic emotion. And maybe the compassion and sensitivity that have historically held some women back will make them more natural leaders in the future.”

This is the sixth in a series of blog posts looking at Sheryl Sandberg's new book, Lean In - Women, Work, and The Will to Lead.  Last week we looked at the fourth chapter of Sandberg’s book, Careers Are a Jungle Gym, Not a Ladder.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to share what I’ve learned from each chapter of Sandberg's book, which I believe is rich with stories and research that can help any woman. Much of the research is U.S. based, but as we know research done in the U.S. is equally applicable here in Canada.

This week, Are You My Mentor?

Sandberg comes up with one of the shortest, but most powerful, definition of both a mentor and sponsor in her book - Mentors (people who will advise them) and Sponsors (people who will use their influence to advocate for them.)

Research shows that the later is what is needed for women to move up from middle management to senior management. Sandberg states that, “Both men and women with sponsors are more likely to ask for stretch assignments and pay raises that their peers of the same gender without sponsors.”  Of course mentorship still has its place in the workplace. Sandberg cautions not to go around asking strangers ‘if they will be your mentor,’ but rather be respectful of someone’s time and ask crisp and focused questions. These questions should be how to manage business and not focused on questions around managing your career. She suggests that we are sending the wrong message to young women, “Get a mentor and you will excel.” Instead, we need to tell them, “Excel and you will get a mentor.”

Sandberg addresses the issue of cross-gender mentoring - as in a senior man mentoring a junior woman - and the perception of that relationship. She quotes a study from the Harvard Business Review that reports 64 percent of men at the level of vice-president and above being hesitant to have a one-on-one meeting with a more junior woman. For their part, half of the junior women avoided close contact with senior men. Sandberg states, “this evasiveness must end. Personal connections lead to assignments and promotions, so it needs to be okay for men and women to spend informal time together the same way men can. A senior man and junior woman at a bar can be mentoring…but it looks like dating. This interpretation holds women back and creates a double bind. If women try to cultivate a close relationship with a male sponsor, they risk being the target of workplace gossip. If women try to get to the top without a sponsor’s help, their careers will often stall.” Sandberg goes on to describe a colleague’s solution to this problem - he created a breakfast and lunch only policy for everyone, both men and women, so he was equally accessible to both genders but wasn’t being asked to go out to dinner or drinks after work hours, which might be misinterpreted by others.

One study Sandberg quotes shows that women who found mentors through formal programs where 50 percent more likely to be promoted than women who found mentors on their own.  She goes on to say that the most effective formal programs help educate men about the need to mentor women and establish guidelines for appropriate behaviour, helping to normalize the senior man/junior woman model.

Sandberg also touches on the peer-to-peer mentorship and how valuable it can be to be provided more current and useful counsel.

If you don’t have a mentor or a sponsor you might want to think a little differently on how to obtain one. Instead of asking, “Will you be my mentor?” come up with a dynamic and thoughtful question to get a conversation going. Be gracious about accepting the advice or counsel provided in the answer and be respectful of time. You may just spark an interest in the heart of the person you are asking questions of and she or he may extend the mentor/sponsor invitation.

This is the fifth in a series of blog posts looking at Sheryl Sandberg's new book, Lean In - Women, Work, and The Will to Lead.  Last week we looked at the third chapter of Sandberg’s book, Success and Likeability.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to share what I’ve learned from each chapter of Sandberg's book, which I believe is rich with stories and research that can help any woman. Much of the research is U.S. based, but as we know research done in the U.S. is equally applicable here in Canada.

This week, It’s A Jungle Gym, Not a Ladder.

In her book Sandberg states, “The most common metaphor for careers is a ladder, but this concept no longer applies to most workers. As of 2010, the average American had 11 jobs from the ages of 18 to 46 alone. This means that the days of joining an organization or corporation and staying there to climb one ladder are long gone. “

She goes on to quote Lori Goler, who is also an executive at Facebook, “ladders are limiting - people can move up or down, on or off. Jungle gyms offer more creative exploration. There’s only one way to get to the top of a ladder, but there are many ways to get to the top of a jungle gym.”

I have talked a number of times on this blog about the importance of taking stretch assignments and moving sideways in your career. Most successful women that I’ve talked to did not get to their position by making a plan and sticking to it. They looked for opportunities and moved to broaden their skill base before moving up the ladder. Many women I know in senior positions would have never dreamt of ending up where they are now, when they started out in their careers after graduation.

Sandberg points out that when she graduated from college Mark Zuckerberg was only seven years old. Facebook hadn’t even been thought of at the time so it would have been impossible to connect the dots from graduation to her current COO position. With the pace of change driven by technology most of us don’t even know what career paths will be available in the next ten years.  Sandberg suggests that you have a long-term dream with an 18-month plan. She also provides career advice given to her by a colleague - always look for potential for growth when making career decisions.

Sandberg’s 18-month plan is twofold: first, she looks at targets that her team can accomplish and second, a more personal goal to learn a new skill by asking herself, “How can I improve?” Sandberg cautions about missing out on opportunities by focussing too much on career advancement. It is important to take risks in your career. She cautions that being risk adverse can lead to stagnation. Many factors stop women from taking risks in business. They can range from the stereotypical barriers that we place on ourselves, to external barriers that are placed on us, to accommodating a spouse’s career.

Sandberg states, “One reason women avoid stretch assignments and new challenges is that they worry too much about whether they currently have the skills they need for a new role. This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, since so many abilities are acquired on the job. An internal report at Hewlett-Packard revealed that women only apply for open jobs if they think they meet 100 percent of the criteria listed. Men apply if they meet 60 percent of the requirements. This difference has a huge ripple effect. Women need to shift from thinking “I’m not ready to do that” to thinking “I want to do that - and I’ll learn by doing it.”

Ask yourself if you have ever given up an opportunity for any of the reasons listed above. Did you not move sideways because you only wanted to go upward? Do you have a long-term dream and an 18-month plan? Do you look for areas of personal improvement? Do you look for opportunities for stretch assignments or high-profile projects? Have you not applied for that dream job because you don’t feel you are 100 percent ready for the task at hand?

Gaining awareness of behaviours that hold you back will help change your thinking and set you up for success.

Of course not! Even if you were a female born today you won’t live long enough to celebrate the close of the gender gap. That is exactly how long a new study from the Canadian Centre of Policy Alternatives said it would take to close the gender gap when it comes to economic and political opportunities, which policy changes. 228 years. How can that be?

The study took the rate of increase of women in politics and on corporate boards at 2.3 per cent in the past two decades and determined that if the rate of change remained the same it would indeed take 228 years for equality to take hold.

In politics alone, the gender gap in Parliament has hardly moved at all in 20 years, with women accounting for just under 25 per cent of federal and provincial politicians. Closing that gap will take 390 years at this rate, the study says.

The picture is a bit brighter when looking at women’s wages and promotions to senior management. Closing the gap in this area will only take 70 years, the study found. At least my grandchildren might see that gap close.

So what do we do? Women now account for more than half of the undergraduates in Canada. They are almost 50% of the Canadian workplace. What is holding them out of economic and political landscapes? The study suggests the following actions:

1. An increase in women’s representation in formal politics.
2. Adequate, consistent funding to civil society organizations.

The study concludes with the following statement:

“Canada has one of the highest level of well-being in the world. But the distribution of that well-being is not equal. Measures like the gender gap give us a picture of the difference that gender inequality makes for Canadians. Our greatest gap could be closed with an investment of political and financial resources into both the civil society organizations and political institutions that represent the needs and interests of women in Canada. This is an investment that will pay huge dividends, not only to the quality of life of Canadians but also in the economic stability of the country. Public policy that closes the economic gap could increase Canada’s GDP by as much at 10%. An end to spousal violence and sexual assault will provide security for over a million Canadians each year and save the economy more than $7 billion a year. Canada cannot afford to wait 228 years to realize these benefits.”

Let’s hope the Canadian and provincial governments read and act on this report! 228 years is much too long to wait.

This is the fourth in a series of blog posts looking at Sheryl Sandberg's new book, Lean In - Women, Work, and The Will to Lead.  Last week we looked at the second chapter of Sandberg’s book, Sit at the Table.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to share what I’ve learned from each chapter of Sandberg's book, which I believe is rich with stories and research that can help any woman. Much of the research is U.S. based, but as we know research done in the U.S. is equally applicable here in Canada.

This week, Success and Likeability.

This chapter offers up one of the most enlightening stories in the book - the Harvard Business study of Heidi and Howard. Half the students were assigned to read the story of Heidi, a real-life entrepreneur, and half read a version of the same case with the name changed to Howard. When the professors polled the students they rated Heidi and Howard as equally competent, but regarded Howard as a more appealing colleague while seeing Heidi as selfish and “not the type of person you’d want to hire or work for.”  Sandberg states, “This experiment supports what research has already clearly shown: success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. When a man is successful, he is liked by both men and women. When a woman is successful, people of both genders like her less.” This and other research arrives at the somewhat shocking conclusion: we evaluate people based on gender stereotypes.

This leads into the discussion about self-promotion. Do women actually downplay their achievements to be liked by our peers? Have you ever hidden an accomplishment because you worried about it sounding like you were bragging? On the other hand have you ever taken credit for an accomplishment and been put down for it?  Chances are you have. The way we are socialized seems to make it okay for men to take credit for their accomplishments, but when women step up and take credit they are criticized for self-promotion. Yet women in business are continually told to speak up and talk about their accomplishments so people understand what they are capable of. Are you seeing the double-bind this puts women into?

The other topic Sandberg covers in this chapter is the “gender discount problem.” When a man steps up and helps out there is an indebtedness attached to the offer. When a woman steps up and helps out she is seen to be fitting the norm of being communal and less indebtedness is attached to this offer and therefore less credit or reward is given for the same behaviour. However, if a woman declines to help out, she receives less favourable reviews, while a man who exhibits the same behaviours receives no penalty. Another double-bind because of gender stereotyping - damned if you do and doomed if you don’t.

Sandberg leads this discussion into how the gender discount problem hurts women when negotiating. This is another double-bind women face. Women often don’t negotiate, which leaves them earning less than their male counterparts (the wage gap.) However, if they do advocate for their own interest by negotiating it often backfires on them. Sandberg says, “Since women are expected to be concerned with others, when they advocate for themselves or point to their own value, both men and women react unfavourably.” It is okay for women to negotiate hard when they are fighting for someone else or their own company, but to do so on their own behalf, violates the perceived gender norm.

Sandberg’s advice to help women with advocating on their own behalf is “think personally, act communally.” She advises women to “preface negotiations by explaining that they know that women often get paid less than men so they are going to negotiate rather than accept the original offer. By doing so women position themselves as connected to a group and not just out for themselves; in effect, they are negotiating for all women.”

A couple of years ago I had this discussion with a male station manager from a nuclear plant in the U.S. He quickly identified that the women in his line were paid less than their male peers. He worked hard to rectify that gender wage gap very quickly and advised me that if Women in Nuclear only did one thing they should teach women how to negotiate. I’m sure he didn’t realize at the time the unique obstacles women face when they enter negotiations. I do however, give him a lot of credit for speaking up and fixing what he felt was a very unjust situation.

His actions are exactly what needs to happen. Women cannot make these changes on their own. We need both men and women to understand the gender biases and work together to eliminate them.

Happy National Volunteer Week (NVW)! Volunteers Cast a Beautiful Shadow is the added theme for this year’s celebration, and according to the NVW website, it reflects the positive impact volunteers have on communities across Canada.

Women in Nuclear (WiN)-Canada was built by volunteers and continues to operate its programming and events with volunteers across Canada. Our volunteers fit very nicely into the overall theme of NVW celebrations - Passion Action Impact. WiNners have great passion for the nuclear industry and recognizing the important contribution women make within the industry. They take action by supporting the industry through volunteering on the WiN board, GIRLS Science Club/Camp, Skills Canada young women’s events, speaking at career days, planning chapter meetings, planting trees on Earth Day, planning our annual conference, sitting on the leading team of their local chapter and a host of other activities promoting the industry and the women who contribute to the industry’s success. WiNners make an impact by putting a fresh face on a male-dominated industry and by helping girls and young women recognize the many highly-skilled, well-paid careers available to them in the industry and the importance of science and math in everyday life.

We are stronger as an organization because of the many shadows we cast across the industry. On the flip side our members gain valuable leadership competencies and a broader understanding of the nuclear industry, helping them to develop their own career path and become more informed advocates for the industry.

This week we celebrate all WiNners who help make WiN strong and extend a heartfelt thank you to everyone who volunteers, for their hard work and dedication throughout the year. It is these valuable contributions from our members that have made WiN a respected organization within the industry and in the communities where we live. Well done WiNners!

This is the third in a series of blog posts looking at Sheryl Sandberg's new book, Lean In - Women, Work, and The Will to Lead.  Last week we looked at the first chapter of Sandberg’s book, The Leadership Ambition Gap.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to share what I’ve learned from each chapter of Sandberg's book, which I believe is rich with stories and research that can help any woman. Much of the research is U.S. based, but as we know, research done in the U.S. is equally applicable here in Canada.

This week, Sit at the Table.

When you walk into a meeting or into an auditorium where do you sit? Do take your place at the front of the room or in a prominent spot at the table or do you sit off on the sidelines hoping not to be noticed? Do you share your perspectives and opinions? If you do, are your views given equal weight? All good questions to ask yourself as you think about taking your seat at the table.

My personal experience is when you watch the dynamics in a room you’ll see men come into a meeting room and take up one and a half or two spaces at the table. Women, and again, I’m generalizing here, come in, place all their materials in a neat pile directly in front of them, cross their legs to take up less room, keep their elbows in and sit down. They do all this without ever thinking about how this appears to the others in the room. They aren’t even taking up their own space, let alone making a presence in the room as someone important enough to fill their space and even overfill it. It is a small thing but it makes an impression in the room. By being seen to be small do women immediately portray less credibility than that of their peers who are seen to be large in the room? For all those who are yelling at the screen, it shouldn’t, I agree, but does it? Many would say it does. If women want to be heard in a meeting they must have a presence that projects confidence.

The other tidbit in this chapter is around the ‘impostor syndrome.’ Sandberg speaks about a speech given by Dr. Peggy McIntosh in her senior year of college. “Dr. Peggy McIntosh from the Wellesley Centers for Women, gave a talk called “Feeling Like a Fraud.” She explained that many people, but especially women, feel fraudulent when they are praised for their accomplishments. Instead of feeling worthy of recognition, they feel undeserving and guilty, as if a mistake has been made. Despite being high achievers, even experts in their fields, women can’t seem to shake the sense that it is only a matter of time until they are found out for who they really are - impostors with limited skills or abilities.”

Sandberg quotes research to back up a “fake it till you feel it” strategy. “One study found that when people assume a high-power pose (for example, taking up space by spreading your limbs) for just two minutes, their dominance hormone levels (testosterone) went up and their stress hormone level (cortisol) went down. As a result, they felt more powerful and in charge and showed a greater tolerance for risk. A simple change in posture led to a significant change in attitude.”

Sandberg goes on to say that women consistently underestimate themselves and includes some great studies to make the point. She explains that when we “ask a man to explain his success he will typically credit his own innate qualities and skills. When you ask a woman the same question, she will attribute her success to external factors, insisting she did well because she “worked really hard,” or “got lucky,” or “had help from others.”

So what are the costs to these insecurities? Have you passed on opportunities because you felt you might not be ready?

I have read different studies that state that men put their hand up for the next promotion two years before they are ready and women put their hand up two years after they are ready. As women we need to believe in our abilities and look for challenges and opportunities to grow and learn. Push that crow of self doubt off your shoulder.

The next time you walk into a meeting room, think about your presence, stop any negative self talk about being a fake and grab on to the opportunity to speak and lead. You may be pleasantly surprised by what happens next.

This is the second in a series of blog posts looking at Sheryl Sandberg's new book, Lean In - Women, Work, and The Will to Lead.  Last week we looked at the introductory chapter of Sandberg’s book, Internalizing the Revolution.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to share what I’ve learned from each chapter of Sandberg's book, which I believe is rich with stories and research that can help any woman. Much of the research is U.S. based, but as we know research done in the U.S. is equally applicable here in Canada.

This week, The Leadership Ambition Gap, What Would You Do if You Weren’t Afraid?

Sandberg makes the case that women now outnumber men in undergrad and master’s degrees, so there is no doubt they have the skills to lead in the workplace. She makes a very interesting observation - “while compliant, raise-your-hand-and-speak-when-called-on behaviours might be rewarded in school, they are less valued in the workplace. Career progression often depends upon taking risks and advocating for oneself - traits that girls are discouraged from exhibiting. This may explain why girls’ academic gains have not yet translated into significantly higher numbers of women in top jobs.”

So think about that, are you using the same communication techniques you used in your academic career? If the answer is yes, is your day-to-day communication keeping you “in the wings.” It is very difficult for some people to stand out and be noticed. Are you - gasp - able to brag about your successes? The gasp is exactly the reaction most women have about the word brag. Most of our lives we are told not to brag and then all of a sudden someone is suggesting that the lack of bragging may actually be holding us back.  Of course no one likes to hear someone go on and on about achievements, but, and I am generalizing here, women need to learn to, yes, brag, about their successes - otherwise who will ever know what we have accomplished and what we are capable of.

Women walk a fine line. Sandberg states, “Professional ambition is expected of men but is optional - or worse sometimes even a negative - for women.” Calling a woman ambitious is not usually said in a complimentary way in our culture. As Sandberg points out “female accomplishments come at a cost.“

Breaking through all the gender stereotypes that have been ingrained since childhood is not easy for women or men. Sandberg refers to this as the ‘stereotype threat’ - “when members of a group are made aware of a negative stereotype, they are more likely to perform according to that stereotype.” She gives a number of examples of the unattractiveness of working women portrayed in popular culture.

So how do we overcome all these barriers to our own success? Fear less. Sandberg says that “Fear is at the root of so many of the barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure. And the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter.”

So what would you do if you were not afraid?  Would you speak up more? Would you take more risks? Would you do a better job advocating for yourself?

All good questions to ponder as we continue on our journey to Lean In.

I'm enjoying Sheryl Sandberg's new book, Lean In - Women, Work, and The Will to Lead. Sandberg is Facebook’s chief operating officer and Forbes’ tenth most powerful woman in the world. Through her book she is trying to reignite the women's movement by internalizing the revolution, the title of her introduction.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to share what I’ve learned from each chapter of Sandberg's book, which I believe is rich with stories and research that can help any woman. Much of the research is U.S. based, but as we know research done in the U.S. is equally applicable here in Canada.

In Sandberg's introduction to the book she states the following:
"In addition to the external barriers erected by society, women are hindered by barriers that exist within ourselves. We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in. We internalize the negative messages we get throughout our lives - the messages that say it's wrong to be outspoken, aggressive, more powerful than men. We lower our own expectations of what we can achieve. We continue to do the majority of the housework and child care. We compromise our career goals to make room for partners and children who may not even exist yet. Compared to our male colleagues, fewer of us aspire to senior positions. This is not a list of things other women have done. I have made every mistake on this list. At times, I still do."

This single paragraph in the introduction to Sandberg's book sets up the book. Sandberg shares many stories, told with a stroke of humour that makes it all entertaining, but at the same time helps us to see a little of ourselves in her own journey. Reading through the list of internal barriers in the paragraph above, I can certainly identify with a number of things on that list.

Sandberg wants us first to see how these often self-imposed barriers are responsible for holding us back just as much as the external barriers that women deal with. She advocates that we have to work at tearing down both internal and external barriers for women to truly make gains.

At a recent panel discussion I moderated for the WiN-Bruce chapter, one of the panelists suggested that if we believe there are barriers to our advancement it will become a self-fulfilled prophecy.  She said that if we believe those barriers exist we will see them everywhere. If we don't believe they exist we will get on with the job at hand and work through our career. At the time I wasn't sure I truly believed what she was saying, but after reading Sandberg's book, I can understand how hearing over and over again that there are inequalities in the workplace and that it is very difficult to have a career and family plays into the internal barriers that women set themselves. Sandberg states, "these internal obstacles deserve a lot more attention, in part because they are under our own control. We can dismantle the hurdles in ourselves today."

I think at one time or another we have all listened to that internal voice (the crow on your shoulder) tell us - you are not smart enough, not experienced enough, not worthy enough. The negative voices of our personal crow become our own internal barriers, but here is the good news - we have the power to change all that. We can manage our internal barriers and change the way we think about them. Sandberg offers some advice to women how to help accomplish that.

Next week, "The Leadership Ambition Gap, What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid."