Did your Mom ever tell you it is not what you say, but how you say it? There was truth to that statement. Research shows over 50% of communication is non-verbal. Some researchers cite that number as high as 93%. No matter what the percentage, if over half of your communication is judged by your non-verbal actions and attitude, it is important to understand what you are saying to others without saying a word.

Non-verbal communication can include tone of voice, facial expressions eye movement, posture, and hand gestures. There are all kinds of advice on the internet and in self-help books about how to improve your body language to come across as more confident, professional, engaged, etc.

To change your body language you must first be aware of your own body language. What are you really saying in a meeting, while speaking with your spouse, etc.?

Here are a few of the common meanings of negative non-verbal behaviours:

• Clamping the back of your neck - anger
• Fidgeting - nervous
• Tugging at your collar - nervous
• Pulling your ear - concealment
• Rubbing your eye - concealment
• Drumming your fingers - urge to leave
• Scratching - lying
• Lowering your eyes - air of failure
• Folding your arms over your chest - resistance, fear
• Staring for a prolonged time - aggressive, threatening.

These are generalities of course, not all people scratching their nose are lying to you - they might just have an itchy nose. The science of non-verbal behaviours is very complicated and we should not try and hold ourselves as experts or read too much into our observations because we read a blog post or a self-help book in this regard.

So, what can you do to come across as more professional in your non-verbal behaviors? Try out some of these positive non-verbal behaviours:

• Take long steps - assured, forthright manner
• Assume an erect posture - self-assured, honest, successful
• Stand while others sit - authoritative
• Lift your eyebrows, briefly - interested, lively, alert
• Nod your head - agreement, interest (be careful with this one, research shows that men usually interpret the nod of a head to mean agreement, women usually interpret this as "I'm listening"
• Place your hands out, with palms up - receptive
• Place your chin in your hand - thoughtful.

Changing your body language will take time. Being aware of the non-verbal signals you are transmitting is the first step. Then take one or two positive non-verbal behaviours a week and see how you can incorporate these into your daily life. Some will come naturally once you are aware, others will probably never work for you.

Give it a try and start thinking about what your body language is telling others.