I came across this blog, There Is No Crying in Business  on Womens Media and I thought it warranted further discussion on our blog. 

The authors, Linda M. Poverny and Susan Picascia talk about how tears are still viewed as  inappropriate in the workplace and offer up the following coaching tips to control tears: 

1. Anticipate situations when possible. Not all situations that bring tears to our eyes are the same. Some emotionally charged encounters can be anticipated. In these instances it is extremely useful to spend time rehearsing various responses with someone else. Be prepared. Use what you know about the person and situation to construct likely scenarios. And practice. If you can hear yourself responding to what you fear most, you will lessen your anxiety and defuse your fear while developing confidence that you can respond effectively.

2. Increase your self-awareness. Women often cry without really knowing why. We cry when, actually, we are angry. Devote some energy and time to identifying your feelings more accurately. The more able you are to distinguish one feeling from another, the more you will feel able to control tears. You will find yourself less overwhelmed by feelings and thereby less likely to cry. 

If, as you examine your feelings, anger is what you are avoiding, work at becoming more assertive, so you more accurately and appropriately express your anger. When you feel that sensation of crying start to build, take a deep breath and immediately ask yourself, "What exactly is angering me? What do I need to do to resolve the situation?" Re-focus on the problem. This can help calm you down. 

3. Cultivate a sense of optimism—things generally work out. Women often cry when they feel overwhelmed with work, unrecognized, or anxious and fearful about their performance. If this is you, remember, crying will not make a dent in what is really wrong. Make a list of the actual and perceived issues and problems creating your feelings. Seek out others such as a mentor, outside friend, business coach or networking group. Use them to assist with gaining a broader perspective that includes a healthy dose of optimistic alternatives. Few things in the workplace are life and death issues. Back up and give yourself some perspective. 

4. Compartmentalize. If you well up frequently or easily cry at the office, your personal life may be intruding on your business life. Although somewhat artificial, it is important to create and then maintain a boundary between your personal and professional worlds. Being at work can be a great diversion. Think of work as a rest stop from the personal issues. Give yourself permission to focus on something other than your personal life. Away from the office, seek support and help from friends, family, religious leaders, a psychotherapist, family counselor, or the employee assistance program. Don’t forget that it took time for the problem to develop; it will take time to solve. 

Compartmentalizing feelings is a good skill to learn. Practice not acting on a feeling you have. Focus instead on the other person. Learn to delay and restrain the sense of urgency to act on feelings. It’s a skill men have developed to a much larger degree than women, and often makes them seem uncaring and unfeeling. However, women can use this skill to time the expression of their feelings—and having control over your feelings provides a wonderful sense of confidence.

Women are sensitive to perceived personal criticism. Even though criticism hurts, again, crying doesn’t make it hurt less, so we need to re-train ourselves. Have in your repertoire a practice that helps you calm down when you need to. A good one to cultivate is mindfulness. By focusing on your breathing and utilizing relaxation techniques, you can slow down reactions, gain control and think more clearly.

A complimentary strategy is focusing on content instead of the criticism, or redirecting your thoughts. For example, comment on how you can get the reports in more quickly rather than on the remark about “You’re too slow.” Or focus on how the negotiations are proceeding, instead of on your boss's question about, “Why haven’t you booked the business?" Finally, you might say to a colleague, “Matt, at the moment I’m not as concerned with your interpretation as I am with this scheduling problem."

5. Acknowledge your feelings or excuse yourself. If you find yourself starting to cry when you don’t want to, say, “As you can see, I feel strongly about this. Let’s focus on how we might get along better through this tough time.” Or, if you’re feeling you can’t gain control—say, “As you can see I feel strongly about this. I’d like to take a time out and talk about it again later. I appreciate your understanding.” Then leave and book another appointment at a later time.

How do you feel about tears in the workplace? Is it appropriate to cry in certain circumstances i.e., - the death of a co-worker, but inappropriate to cry because you are upset or angry? How do you stop yourself from crying? Offer up your views and tips and tricks by leaving a comment.